Witty, provocative, filthy, inspiring and utterly unclassifiable, Wooden Spoon Wars is an Odyssey for an age where truth is a lifestyle choice and identity is a battleground. Wooden Spoon Wars is a wickedly black comedy with a serious message in the spirit of Joseph Heller, Kurt Vonnegut and Jonathan Swift.Athens, 378 B.C. - Diogenes of Sinope, the original cynic, lives in a barrel and picks fights with Plato - until he is sold to a Nubian slaver. Croydon, 2019 A.D. - Mikhail Krutoy, a classic case of Archilochus-Hesburger Syndrome, is threatened with deportation. Stranded in Newark Airport with his VR simulation of classical Athens, he discovers that his two possible fathers are frontrunners in the 2020 U.S. election. Meanwhile, Russian troll-farm operative Nastya inflames the West's culture wars-until a family secret ties her fate to Mikhail's, setting the internet ablaze. An argument over a wooden spoon sparks a bloody conflict, leaving Diogenes and Mikhail to teach us a final lesson in peace, hope, humanity and wisdom.