What if eternal life wasn't all it's cracked up to be? Achy joints, cranky moods, and failing powers prove immortality is just late-onset death. Such is the life of a six-hundred-something whose best years are in the rearview mirror--and Vlad can't even see himself in a mirror. Now living in Upton Arms, a retirement community for once-powerful supernatural beings, Vlad and his eccentric neighbors are learning a painful truth: life, even for immortals, is terminal. Rising at dusk is a struggle, and turning into a bat? Forget it! Vlad's stiff wings are more likely to cause a crash landing than a graceful flight. And when it comes to his hypnotic powers, he can't even convince someone to grab him the remote control in the community room than control their will. Just when Vlad thinks it can't get worse, Upton Arms faces something more dangerous than his existential crisis--foreclosure. Vlad sees it as the final nail in his coffin, even as the other tenants rally behind Luis, a werewolf and unofficial pack leader. Together, they'll fight for survival, and Vlad will discover a shocking truth: it's not too late to start living again. What We Do in the Shadows meets The Golden Girls--a laugh-out-loud paranormal comedy with heart. Full of dark humor, supernatural drama, and unforgettable characters, Upton Arms is a must-read for fans of quirky paranormal fiction.