Chip Leighton started performing online as a lark, and not because he "craved validation through TikTok" as his daughter claimed (with snark). When sharing the funny, weird, crazy things his kids said and texted, he quickly learned he was not alone. Since launching, his channel has become the go-to support group for adults who have teenagers in their lives--wholly confirming that teens everywhere say the darndest things. Parents worldwide use Leighton's posts to laugh, commiserate, and share their own kids' classics, like "what time is noon" or "do I have medicare?" What a relief to learn that it's perfectly normal for teens to roast their parents mercilessly ("Don't wear mom jeans to my school again") or ask wild questions ("where do I buy pasta water"). In this debut collection, Leighton showcases these gems, along with tongue-in-cheek advice, charts and graphs, and silly quizzes. For readers who appreciate the real-life humor of books like Sh*t My Dad Says or the standup of family-friendly comedians like Jim Gaffigan or Nate Bargatze, this book is the ultimate gift for parents, kids, or anyone who likes to laugh.