Buy this for the Step Dad in your life and let him know that he's priced to move, baby! This is the book all the teenagers are reading right before they do something wild and controversial. There are illustrations, comics, propositions for potentially better books than itself, poems, open letters to famous rich white men, sacred secret truths to fix your life, all that jazz. This book slept with someone you follow on Twitter. This book doesn't care what happened to your hair. It didn't even notice. It actually thinks you look quite fetching. This book cusses and spits and isn't going to quit smoking indoors with the windows closed anytime soon. If this book was in the movie Air Bud, it would be the titular 'Bud'. There are currently no rules barring this book from playing basketball. John Leguizamo hasn't read this book, so you'd have that on him if you did. You'd be better than John Leguizamo. You've always wanted that. This book wants you so bad, and you want something weird and maybe off-putting for a coffee table. You aren't getting any younger but this book is. This book is a book that is aging backwards. This book is like that movie. You could give this book to someone who hates books and they'd still probably kiss you. This book never talks back, listens very well, rarely whines. This book is better than your spouse and your children. You could see yourself leaving your family for this book. You don't have to, though. But I mean... you could. Whatever you want, champ.