Are you the world's worst parent? Could be, but you won't know for sure till your child starts writing confessional poetry, asks to speak to the manager at an Applebee's, or launches a YouTube channel. In the meantime, let the humorists of McSweeney's guide you through every step of parenthood, from IVF to empty nest. This practical anthology collects the most popular parenting humor writing from McSweeney's Internet Tendency, plus loads of brand-new quizzes, lists, musings, questionable advice, harangues, primal screams, and more. An essential handbook for aspiring helicopter moms, disaffected soccer dads, and hovercrafting basketballing aunts/uncles/cousins--or anyone else who needs something to read while holed up in the bathroom for some "me" time. Includes: Nihilist Dad Jokes Are You the Worst Fucking Parent? Decoding Your Teenager's Glares: A Comprehensive Guide "We're Pregnant," Said a Man Romantic Tips to Help Spice Things Up for Couples With Four Children and Two Full-Time Jobs Hello, I'll Be Your Toddler Tour Guide For This Trip Out The Front Door Our Daughter Isn't a Selfish Brat; Your Son Just Hasn't Read Atlas Shrugged Please Let Me Put My Disease-Riddled Hands All Over Your Baby! Why I Decided Not to Have an OBGYN and Let Wendy From Work Handle My Prenatal Care Instead In Retrospect, the Theme for Chad's 4th Birthday Party Should Not Have Been "Stanford Prison Experiment" Hey, Mom and Dad, I Made a Delicate, Structurally Unsound Craft That You Get to Carry Home In the Rain Your School District's Reopening Survey I'm The World's Best Dad Because Once I Watched My Kid When My Wife Wasn't Around How to De-Feralize Your Children for Back-to-School I Don't Know What the Big Deal About Having a Baby Is