NOWHERE NEAR ANYWHEREThe way to make a railway pay is to close it.Closing 6 miles of unproductive railway should be easy.All the Government needs to do is try not to spend money to save money. It's that simple. Or is it?With a village united in indignation and a man who knows a thing or two about ancient Rights of Way, nothing is going to be easy.Add the civil service into the mix and anything could happen. It is the modern, go-get-'em era of 1958 after all. MURDER! MAYHEM! AND LESSER CUTS OF MEATIt will be a close run thing if the villagers can pull off the madcap caper of the year.The village of Beetling Down has a centenarian in its midst, but when she pops her clogs before her candles are lit its bound to be a bit of a bother.How to pull a switch, cater for a light supper for royalty and evade the police all comes down to timing, and more get up and go than a pig on a butcher's block. A FATE WORSE THAN DEATHHow to triumph in the face of obscurity? Crispin Stitt, once the darling of the literati-glitterati is now on the cusp of becoming a nobody.Well, if he was dead, then it would boost his back list and to be honest, everybody loves you when you're dead. Although, Crispin's resurrection as a new man could be a little tricky. His wife will probably kill him, his publisher might possibly crucify him and the media will certainly have a field day with the ensuing caper.