This book is me trying to understand my life while I'm still living it. It's about losing my father and not knowing how to carry that loss without it swallowing me. His death left a hole that turned into abandonment, anger, and the feeling that something essential was taken from me too early.I write about stuttering and how it made me feel embarrassed, invisible, and unworthy of taking up space. About moving through school and life with depression and anxiety sitting on my chest, trying to function while quietly falling apart. About low self-esteem, self-hate, and questioning whether I even deserved to exist.There's no clean ending here. I'm still grieving. Still hurting. Still trying to understand myself. This book isn't a finished story its me figuring it out as I go.