Congratulations, You're Fucked (Welcome to Toddlerhood) is not your Pinterest-perfect parenting guide filled with unicorn stickers, motivational quotes, and photoshopped families smiling while baking gluten-free cookies. This is the no-bullshit survival manual for the real war zone: raising a toddler.Inside, you'll find zero sugarcoating, zero "expert" jargon, and absolutely zero judgment. Instead, brace yourself for sarcastic truth bombs, unapologetic cussing, and dark humor that'll make you laugh, cry, and possibly question why you ever thought procreating was a good idea. From sleep training disasters to tantrums that would terrify Satan himself, this book tells it like it is-messy, exhausting, hilarious, and sometimes soul-crushing.If you're tired of parenting books that pretend toddlerhood is "magical" or "rewarding every step of the way," then congratulations-you've finally found the one that doesn't lie to you. It's time to trade Pinterest boards for wine bottles, mommy blogs for fuck-it lists, and parenting guilt for unapologetic honesty.Welcome to toddlerhood. Grab a drink. Hide in the bathroom when you can. And remember: you're not alone... you're just fucked.