Welcome to the wild, weird, and wildly underpaid world of private security.In Post Orders, veteran officer Earl Jones lifts the curtain (and sometimes the porta potty lid) on nearly three decades of graveyard shifts, celebrity encounters, haunted buildings, raccoon coworkers, and supervisors who forgot underwear was part of the dress code.From tackling naked suspects holding rotisserie chickens to surviving music festivals in melting polyester, this brutally honest and hilariously absurd guide is part memoir, part survival manual, and all heart.