We describe ourselves by our intentions and characterize others by their personalities. Nice is subjective, occasionally inappropriate, and often serves as a form of compensation for aggression. Anger, violence, and defensiveness are the simplest forms of aggression, although the most common forms of aggression are in our personality. We characterize a non-aggressive personality by assertiveness and a lack of aggression. Ideally, we want others to perceive us as having a non-aggressive personality. It is not misunderstandings that destroy relationships, it is aggression. Logically, morally, and ethically, it should never feel good to hurt someone we care about. We choose aggression when we are only aware of what feels good viscerally, not emotionally. Whether we punish, retaliate, oppress, fight, bully, or control, we are aggressive because it makes us feel better. The wake-up story is that we will continue to choose aggression until hurting people no longer feels good, and that will be when we become more conscious of our unconscious reactions and behaviors. If you are angry, impatient, unhappy, critical of others, need to tell people that you think their personal choices are wrong, reluctant to let the other side be "right," even when your reward is freedom from battle, then this book is for you.