Welcome to the insanity that is my life.The name's Jett Turner and my early retirement to a lake on the Texas - Mexico Border was supposed to be fun and easy going. It didn't involve me writing up the twisted exploits of the head of the Acuña Cartel, reporting such to the DEA, or watching pandas blow up, people being fed to tigers, or learning about the bodily functions of the tortured. In addition, I have to deal with a morbidly obese shut in, a woman hell bent on collecting the last of my student loans, a hairless chimp named Patty, a giant named Koko, a housekeeper set on cleansing my soul, and a sexual deviant, Larry McMurtry quoting professor. Toss in a beautiful call girl named Laredo Rose, a cheerleader of a waitress with her jaw wired shut, and a traitor of a dog that listens to everyone but me and you get an idea of what I have to deal with on a daily basis.This first misadventure that is my life is rated R for language, crude humor, and insanely bizarre circumstances but rates an A+ for all of the aforementioned and entertainment value."This series is Carl Hiassen meets Larry McMurtry with action by Quentin Tarantino." - S.C. Sherman, author of Beer Money: A Tale of the Iowa City Beer Mafia and A Bass Reeves Adventure: Give Me The Warrant"Another winner from the wildly inventive mind of Gayne C. Young. Witty, entertaining, and fresh." - Ben Rehder, author of the Blanco County Mysteries series"Gayne Young was already a master at writing hunting articles and science fiction novels. His Jett Turner novels show he has now also become a master at writing gonzo comedy/adventure yarns." - Bob Deis, Editor of the Men's Adventure Library series & Men's Adventure Quarterly"You may not have thought murderous cartel kingpins were prime comedic material. It turns out they are, at least in the capable hands of this terrific writer, Gayne C. Young. He's pounded out an engaging, well-told story that's part Breaking Bad, part Curb Your Enthusiasm; part Godfather, part Monty Python. Bottom line: This book is a wild, sometimes wacky but thoroughly enjoyable ride." - Michael Tarm, a former Associated Press journalist and author of a pending book on the death penalty, Executioner in Chief.