In a sacred field divided by two warring spiritual tribes-the earthy, tradition-bound Dirtlings and the glitter-cloaked, body-positive Radiants-young Totty finds herself torn between inherited faith and self-discovery. The Dirtlings believe in purity through boiling and peeling. The Radiants celebrate queerness, light, and the holiness of chosen identity. When Totty stirs the metaphorical pot with a question-"What if I want both?"-a buried prophecy awakens.As tensions rise over sacred salt, forbidden aioli, and brunch-time gospel duels, a divine figure named Crispus emerges from the Sacred Pot to remind everyone of what was planted long ago: shared truth. What follows is a mythical, hilarious, and heartwarming spiritual mash-up where glitter meets gravy and no one leaves the table unchanged.Blending satire, sacred storytelling, and queer liberation theology, A Mashed Novel is a radiant allegory about identity, community, and the holiness of becoming whole.