Do not eat this book. Unless this book instructs you to do otherwise. In the event you are instructed to eat this book, you may be unable to use condiments. The time where you could leisurely enjoy a novel with relish and mustard has ended. This is the Apocalypse. Things have changed. Your teeth may have been plucked by an imp for bicycle tires. Your tongue may have become a sentient lifeform that daily attempts independence from an slimy, oppressive mouth prison. You also may have purchased a digital novel. Not to worry. For those in these trying end times, I have created a manual. A very fine manual. Okay, a just plain fine manual. I don't want to get a big head about it. I am still trying to get into Heaven, after all, and adding hubris to the sins of theft, murder, and littering seems like the wrong way to go. These are very confusing, chaotic times. This manual aims to guide you through them. What to eat. Where to live. Dealing with Satan, his lousy, deadbeat son, and black magic. Also, pixies. And finding sugar. Which you can't. So don't try. This manual will guide you through all these Apocalyptic problems and more. Except for situations where you need to physically devour digital media. I can't help you with that. I'm not much of a tech guy. (Note: Manual's effectiveness subject to change based on the ever-changing nature of the Apocalypse. This manual is also ineffective in dealing with irony. That you will need to deal with on your own.) (Cover Art by Microsoft CoPilot Image Generator. Story content generated by a wretched human.)