What if immortality came with subscriptions, KPIs, and customer satisfaction surveys? Victor never asked to be immortal. He only wanted tea, silence, and a polite distance from his neighbors. Instead, he got eternity regulated by apps, empathy workshops, and startups that optimize even death. From "ethical blood" in recyclable packaging to wellness retreats where silence is scored out of ten, Victor must navigate a world where absurdity has become everyday life-and irony, the last refuge of sanity. This satirical collection blends urban fantasy with dark comedy, written in the spirit of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, but set against the digital bureaucracy of the 21st century. Smart, absurd, and painfully familiar-these stories will make you laugh, wince, and maybe check if your own existence hasn't already been turned into a subscription plan. Perfect for fans of humorous fantasy, vampire satire, and dystopian comedy.