This work is a short story. Welcome, intrepid reader, to a work belonging to Nat 1's $h!TpOsT Shorts project! Within these pages lies a concoction of prose so wretched you will find yourself questioning your choices-in this case, it's best described as...a lot? But fear not, for you have not stumbled upon the literary lunacy of a confused wordsmith but rather the deliberate concoction of a mind crafting some of the world's finest terrible and cliched writing! Prepare to witness the catastrophic collision of exposition, the butchering of plotlines, and the unraveling and exaggeration of storytelling norms-all in the noble name of satire! While this book might induce cringes, groans, and the occasional eye-roll, rest assured that the author behind this display of literary atrocity has done this on purpose, and you should not use it to judge their other works. Unless they also suck, in which case, feel free to judge and know that you, too, can accomplish your dreams even if you are wildly unqualified. Unless you want to be a surgeon, then please don't use this as an excuse to cheat your way through med school. So, dear reader, fasten your seatbelt, keep that gag reflex in check, and embark upon this preposterous journey through a purposefully shoddy landscape of words. Remember, behind this façade of calamitous writing, a talented (probably) author's wit and skill gleam brightly. Now go and enjoy the absurdity!